Parenting

Children are our greatest resource. They are our future, our past, our present. They are US. It takes a whole village to raise a child and today perhaps, it takes a whole world. I am greatly saddened by the fact that we, as a nation and an entire human culture, do not prioritize the raising of our children as our MOST IMPORTANT goal in life. Everywhere I turn, I am confronted by children in need. Children in need of adult time and interaction, food, clothing, housing, warmth, medical care, protection. Many children, not only in the world, but in this country, allegedly the most advanced, enlightened nation in the world, do not have their most basic of human needs met, let alone the requirements for growth on the pathway of spiritual development. Make a difference in a child's life, be it your own or someone else's. A kind word, a gentle touch, a basket of food can help so much. Should it be that your child tries your patience and you find that you're over-reacting, be aware that there are those of us who understand, for we were once abused children and now are parents too...reach out, helping hands are but a phone call away.

Did you ever wonder what life would be without children? When your children are acting out, did you ever step back and think, "I wish I didn't have children". Read on an I'll give you a bit of insight on what life is like without children.

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We are taught in life that we will grow up, get married and have children, right? Wrong. That didn't happen in my life but if it were not for my spirit guide and angels I don't think I would be happy today.

I could not take my eyes off of that little blue stick. The box said blue means your pregnant and I read it at least twenty times. I was pregnant at twenty three years old. It was time to tell my boyfriend. We do the right thing and get engaged. Two weeks before the wedding I miscarry. The only honorable thing to do is go thru with the wedding, after all, we were getting married because we loved each other, not because I was pregnant.

The first year of marriage was horrible. I didn't know I had angels or a spirit guide to rely on. The second year we tried like crazy to get me pregnant. All my sister-in-laws, which were three, were pregnant at the same time. As I watched and forced a smile onto my face when visiting them, my heart was crying with sadness. It should of been me.

Okay, enough was enough! My husband and I went for fertility treatments. His sperm was healthy and ready to impregnant. The docotors could find absolutly nothing wrong with me. So, I was sure I would get pregnant. It was time to have a baby. My husband would give me injections throughout the month. Every morning before work I would go to the hospital for an ultrasound first. The technician would measure my ovaries and eggs while chit chatting about the weather. When the eggs were a certain size I would rush my husband's sperm to the hospital and they would inject me with all those healthy sperms. So many sperms, such big eggs, I'm bound to get pregnant. Not according to Mother Nature. Every month I watched as the other women in the group would get pregnant and leave but good old reliable me was there every month. After six months I got off this dizzying, nautious, rollercoaster.

Romance? Sexual loving? Not in my marriage. Making love was for one reason only and that was to get me pregnant. So who could blame my husband when five years later he walked away from the marriage. To my horror, he was having an affair and his girlfriend became pregnant, thus doing the honorable thing and divorcing me and marry her.

I never did feel hatred or resentment. Just hurt. It took me along time to forget my husband because we were such good friends. It was about this time I realized that I have a spirit guide. I asked God for the first time to carry me for a little while because it hurt to much to bare.

Dating....Don't date a man in his thirties and never been married because he's usually looking for a woman to have a family with. That's what happened to me. I met a wonderful man but after two years of dating, he finally realized that if he were to persue this relationship he would never be able to have a family of his own. Who can blame him? We went our serperate ways. He eventually did get married and he's a proud father of a baby girl and two step-son's. God bless.

Thoughout my life I watched children come and go from my life. Sister's, friend's and familie's children. I am now 41 years old and I only now am starting to realize the advantages of not having children. For instance...

On my 40th birthday which is Christmas Eve, I went on a cruise by myself. I met a man from Texas. He was my age but his children were all grown. I left my family and friends to marry him and moved from Canada to Texas. I would not of made such a bold move if I had children. Looking back throughout my life I have had alot of new beginnings which were beneficial for me but if I had had children, I would not of had these new beginnings.

When I meet God and my Spirit Guide I will know the reason why I didn't have children but for now I'm just enjoying my life and learning to be happy without children. It's not an easy task but with my angels all around me I do feel lucky.

So, when your children are running around and driving you crazy just step out of the picture for a moment and think about what you would be if you didn't have them. Think about me.

p.s. I did go the adoption route also and the day an adoption was going to be final is the day my husband announced his incredible news.

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Love you children for they are part of you.

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Always wondering why....
Snowflake

"I pray for you and your son watches over you, actually probably helped put a better aura around you to make you pull through.. angels are here for everyone, and you he might be your guarian angel.. sounds a bit ackward.. son takes care of mom.. but I've helped others older than me and I'm only eighteen.. so I think he is here for you and wants you to stay happy, that is what angels are for, and that is what a son is for, for you to feel proud and for you to feel good, looks like he helped in an ironic way.. anyway, good luck and I wish you the happiest, healthiest life possible.. lol, possible means it is infinite.. like me crying weeks ago and now being so emotionally healthy I feel safe giving advice.."
- cungmingfu

It must be so hard for your daughter having to deal with your son in law's attitude because she, herself, also has to adjust to the fact that her husband has cancer. Please understand that for many the word "cancer" represents death and probably your son in law is worrying that he is dying. The treatments he is undergoing may also play havoc with his mental state and may cause irritation and aggression. As for a support group, I know here in Montreal we have a group called "Hope and Cope" for cancer survivors and their relatives. It is run at a hospital. Perhaps you can try the American Cancer Society to find out if there are any local support groups in your area. Also, the oncology department where your son-in-law is being treated may be of some help. Sounds like he may need some therapy to help to deal with his illness. Your daughter has to take care, not only of her husband, but also of herself and irregardless if he is sick or not, she does not have to be a victim of his abusive behaviour. Maybe she should seek counselling on how to deal with this. We don't want to abandon those we love when they are suffering, but if he is refusing her help and in fact is being mean or hurtful, she does not have to live with that either. Hope things work out for them.

Hugs,
Marilyn

I can only imagine how alone you feel in trying to see your son. Why is the lack of a car stopping you? Can you not use public transport to go see him or get a friend to drive you? Surely there must be some arrangements you can make without depending on your ex-wife. If you have not yet found a support group for single dads, maybe you can check with your local social service agency or crisis center who may be able to point you in the right direction. Have you tried to make arrangements with your ex so that you can take your son for alternate weekends or something like that. Are you legally seperated? If so, you can make official visitation arrangements with the courts to make sure that you get to see him. Sounds like you are giving up way too easily. He is only 11 months old now and it might not have much impact on him this early in life, but as he get to be older, he is going to need you and your absence will have more of an impact.

Hugs,
Marilyn

Angel Gala (Saturday, October 25 2003 12:11am)
Hello, friend,

I know that it makes you sad to see someone that you love hurting themselves in such a way as
drinking too much too often. The best place for you to contact is Al-Anon. There are offline and online
resources to get in touch with others who are feeling as you do.
You can best help your daughter by helping yourself & learning how to help her.

Here is the main website for Al-Anon : http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
There is a lot of info there. It is for people who are friends or relatives of an alcoholic.

Here are a few online sites for support that you might want to check out and join.

Serenity Online http://groups.msn.com/Alanon
Serenity Prayer http://www.sygnetswans.com/alanon.html
Al-Anon Alumni http://nickscape.net/recoveryzone/alanon1.htm
Family/Friends of Addicts http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=alanon
An AA/Alanon, Family Recovery Site http://www.c-zone.net/drgnldy8/index4.html

I pray & wish for you and her the very best always.
Take care & hugs,
Angel Gala

I am so sad to hear about your feelings and your reality this Christmas. Christmas sometimes seems the day when so many people realize how little they have and the reality of poverty hits us right in the face. But you do have many blessings and things to be grateful. You have each other and your children are blessed by a very thoughtful and loving mother, something some children do not have.
I know that doesn't help to put gifts under the Christmas tree, but here's a little thought. There is about one week left before Christmas and why don't you suggest to the children that everyone make each other a homemade gift, something which might have significance to the other person. It can be something as simple as a coupon to do each other's chore or the promise to do a favor for the each other. Another suggestion might be to visit the second hand stores in your neighborhood. Oftentimes you can pick up some very nice clothing or games or even books which are like brand new. How about cooking up a batch of someone's favorite cookies or other favorite food. I know it doesn't replace the traditional way of giving gift, but maybe it might make the tree seem a little less bare on Christmas morning. God bless you and I do hope that you find a way to make Christmas memorable and loving.

Hugs,
Marilyn

Debra~
I read your post and just thought I'd give you an idea as to something for your son to do with his time. Maybe you can find out if your community has a YMCA or community center where your son can go play with other kids in a positive environment. Most YMCA's have volunteer work available and lots of activities for children. There are many local parks also that may offer free activities seasonaly. Check out the yellow pages or ask around your neighbor hood. His School counselar maybe able to help find things for him to help with. You said he is 13, i'm not sure if he's in high school yet but most high schools have programs and groups that help volunteer such as key club ...etc. Even as a child in elementry I was part of a group that my school couselar helpped me get into. Good Luck I know being a parent these days is a hard thing to do. ~ Jennie Belcher
Ps: If all else fails maybe he can start his own volunteer work. Join a church or work alone to collect cans, mow lawns, collect shoes for homeless try to find something he feels passionate about.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.
-- Reverend Theodore Hesburgh

IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE OVER AGAIN

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the lover of power,
and more about the power of love.

Diane Loomans