Relationship

A Spiritual Perspective
by Dr. Laurie Greenberg

LIFE BEYOND DEATH:
Perhaps you, or someone you care about, have lost a friend or loved one in this tragedy. Whatever your feelings and whatever your beliefs, I hope my words the the support you get will help you heal and find peace.
LIFE BEYOND
Your friend or loved one lives. The body is but a container, a vehicle, a temporary home for the soul. It is part of us only as long as the body continues to function. When the body ceases to function, the soul departs for a better place. Your friend or loved one IS this soul, and she or he lives on forever.
Thanks to modern medical techniques, many people have "died" (their hearts stopped) and yet been revived (their hearts again began to beat). Many of these people tell amazing stories of their soul's journey while "dead." Typically, they meet a loving guide (a spiritual being or relative on the "other side") and travel towards an incredibly beautiful Light. They experience deeply fulfilling love, joy, and acceptance. In the "life review" phase of their journey, they can vividly recall everything they've experienced -- thoughts, feeling, actions, events -- since birth. They gain profound insights into the meaning of their lives.
PURPOSE
There is a deep purpose to all of our earthly lives. We belong here, as difficult as it is at this extraordinarily painful time. You will get through it, and your friend or loved one will be proud.
TOGETHER IN SPIRIT
As the soul lives forever, your bond of love and friendship also lives forever. She or he is with you in spirit, and someday you can be together again, face-to-face and heart-to-heart.
CONTACT
In the days and weeks ahead, you may experience contact with your friend or loved one. You might feel his or her presence, see him or hear her voice. Many of these experiences are genuine, and I hope you will take some comfort in these contacts when and if they occur.
In general, any nightmares or disturbing visions or thoughts you might have of your friend or loved one are YOUR experience, and NOT a reflection of what your friend or loved one is going through. These nightmares and images are products of your own personal trauma, as your own mind struggles to comprehend and come to grips with your profound and incredibly shocking loss - and the hardship yourcompanion might have experienced TEMPORARILY before ascending into the cosmic Light.
YOUR LOVED ONE WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU
At this point, you can expect that your loved one is feeling much better than you are. He or she can see you easily and feel the love you continue to share. He or she also feels great love and joy in the other world, and wants you -- when you're ready, at your own pace -- to move on with your life here on Earth, and find love and joy in new ways.
In the Light, your loved one knows that no one of us is perfect, and yet everyone is valuable, special and deeply loved. She or he knows that you are not responsible for this event, and that you truly care, even though we humans don't always show our love. Whatever other intense emotions -- or numbness -- you may experience in your grief, your love is ultimately more powerful, more enduring, and a truer manifestation of who you really are.

I am a flawed human just like everyone else. I am not better than anyone nor do I claim to be. I feel confused, lost, happy, sad, angry, glad, funny, and all the other gambit of emotions that make us each human. I am searching for meaning and happiness in life just like everyone else. I strive to help others and make a difference which is my motivation behind the previous posts.

You can make a difference in someone's life. One small gesture can make all the difference. I believe that and its why I share so much of myself. I don't share it for attention nor pitty nor anything like that.
I for one have found that friends are the most wonderful gifts in the world. A differing opinion can open your eyes to things you never thought about. Sometimes a friend can give you the kick in the ass you need to wake up.
I got online 2 years ago to find a place where I belonged. To find an activity that I enjoyed and could make friends through. Role-playing was that activity. I have made a lot of friends that creative group activity but now I'm wanting to make a new circle of friends that help others. A circle of Angel friends.

LostAngelLiz

To girls,
If you are serious on a relationship,
try to find a man who know how to live with a girl, not a man who only know how to love a girl...

To forgive is often difficult, but with forgiveness comes release of the spirit; the soul which has been in bondage suffers no longer. In the degree that you respond to love and beauty, so you are increasing beauty on earth; and by the same token decreasing that which lies on the other side of the scale ~ the darkness, ignorance, bitterness and selfishness of humanity.

When little misunderstandings, frictions or miscommunications crop up, as they will, with spouses, family or friends, try to be sorry; try and overcome in yourself that little misunderstanding. You can do this if you remember the love in which you were born; the love by which you live; the love which is flowing to you from nature; the love which sustains you, body and soul. Remember the love which protects you in your daily life, which will never fail you and will always guide you on to the path of rightness.

Both men and women do much the same things when they are trying to meet their needs relationships-wise. These are ten of the most common things men and women do when they are searching for love or for a relationship where they want to be loved. In each case, it will inevitably *NOT* meet their needs:

1. Forcing your desire for a relationship onto the other person, and because the other person doesn't know how to say "no," they stay with you.

2. Everything about the other person tells your head and "gut" they are NOT the one, but you ignore your intuition and mind and go ahead anyhow.

3. You mix up someone being nice or friendly with you with romance.

4. You fear or hate being alone, so you latch onto the first person who comes by and is available.

5. You look only at the person's looks and outside "package" and do not investigate or pay attention to what they are really like as a *person*.

6. Even though you know this person has done bad things to other people in past relationships, you choose to believe that he/she will not do the same to you.

7. You mistake your great sexual adventures and fun with this person for love.

8. You are in a relationship, but you don't express your feelings and needs to your partner for fear you will hurt their feelings or make them angry.

9. You know your partner is deceiving you but you refuse to believe it, even though you know the truth. You stay in denial about it all.

10. The other person shows a lot of interest in you and you respond quickly and passionately, without really finding out if this person is who or what you really want in a relationship partner.

Dennis R. Tesdell

People enter into partnerships with optimism and good will. Partnerships often turn sour because ineffective patterns of relating become habitual and lead to a gradual withdrawal of esteem and caring for each other.

1. Avoid conflict.

Avoided conflict requires repression of anger, which leads to depression of feelings. A genuinely passionate partnership requires conflict, not terminal niceness or withdrawal.

2. Avoid each other.

Occasional withdrawal is healthy. Habitually withdrawal (stonewalling) is death to partnership.

3. Escalate.

Conflict, skillfully handled, is one of the keys to a great relationship. Conflict out of control is an excuse for physical, verbal, or psychological abuse. I coach people to take turns being angry, and when both partners are angry, take a time out.

4. Criticize.

Habitually speaking (or thinking) criticism is hard on a relationship. Criticism is usually a sign of that the criticizing partner has some personal development work to do. I coach that it is OK to complain, but not OK to criticize.

5. Show contempt.

Contempt is criticism escalated to outright mental abuse.

6. React defensively.

Fear is natural. Defensiveness naturally accompanies fear. Skillful partnering requires practicing techniques that allow me to drop the defensiveness despite my fear.

7. Deny responsibility.

When I deny my responsibilty for my part of the issue, I wind up blaming my partner and trying to change him or her.

8. Rewrite history.

Remembering mainly the negative experiences in a partnership is a predictor for future problems. All partnerships have their difficult spots. Partners that stay together are proud of their ability to weather the stormy seas and are warmed by their memories of the happy times spent on tropical beaches.

9. Refuse to get help.

Partnership coaching and willingness works!

10. Believe that changing partners is the solution.

People may go through several partners while repeatedly avoiding the same basic issues. We naturally choose partners that push our buttons for our personal development. Refusing to learn the requisite lesson requires another repetition.

Marty Crouch

Sharing your feelings was the mantra of the 80s. These days we recognize that it's not enough to be honest with your partner. It's important to also be focused and skillful too.

1. I love you.

Timeless, no need for elaboration; say it in dozens of ways, ways that you have learned that your partner hears.

2. I'm sorry, I made a mistake.

Nobody gets it right all the time. It takes maturity to admit my mistakes. Admitting I made a mistake does not mean that I am a mistake.

3. I hear you saying ...

Listening. If I'm not, then I can't fill in the ... When I listen well I become a mirror for my partner.

4. You make sense to me because ...

Validation. Add this to listening and your partner will really feel heard and understood.

5. I imagine that you must feel ... Is that how you feel?

Empathy. When I get how my partner is feeling, then we relate at a heart-level, not just at a head-level.

6. What I really appreciate about you is ...

Acknowledge my partner for being, not just doing.

7. Thank you for ...

Appreciation for doing, for giving, for understanding. So often we focus on what you need rather than what's present. What we focus on expands.

8. Would you please ...?

It's my job to communicate my wants to my partner. Expecting my partner to mind read, or thinking "If he loved me, he would know what I want." is a setup for experiencing frustration.

9. I'm feeling ...

It's still important to share my feelings. Noticing and reporting my body sensations is part of telling the truth.

10. I forgive you for ...

Any partner will eventually disappoint me. Holding onto a resentment drains my energy, creates distance, hurts me worse than my partner. Uunforgiveness in my life affects all my relationships adversely.

Eddy Brame & Marty Crouch

Every long term intimate relationship takes WORK to maintain its "quality." It's natural over time for men and women to fall into the "status quo" or to take each other for granted. When the romance wanes, or to keep it alive, these ideas are offered for the man to help remind the couple of their "early courtship" days.

1. Send Her A Romantic/Love Sentiment Card Unexpectedly.

Sometimes the "just because" gifts, we give those we care about mean as much or more than those given on special occasions that are expected.

2. Arrange To Have Her Favorite Meal, Her Favorite Music, & Maybe Her Favorite Video, On A Night When You'll Be Totally Free & Alone.

Create the atmosphere that you know by now she loves, and make it like a complete date; the great meal, the right music, and a romantic comedy or film she loves.

3. If She Works In An Office Setting: Send Her A Bouquet Of Flowers For Her desk That Will Last A Week.

Include a card, letting her know you wanted her to have something lovely to look at that week at work.

4. Buy Her Something To Her Taste At "Victoria's Secret."

They have all kinds of helpful people there, and will help you put together a gift package that will be appreciated, romantic, and hopefully, used!

5. Arrange Your Work Schedules So That She And You Have A Full Weekend Off ALONE.

Take her to the nicest hotel you can, even if in town, and enjoy room service, good dining, indoor swimming, or whatever she wants to do. TV is optional.

6. Tell Her You Want To Shop With Her For A Special Present.

Take her to her favorite gift stores, or ask her what she really wants or needs. Shop with her patiently, and allow her to choose a gift which you tell her you would like her to buy which would remind her of you and how much you care for her.

7. Arrange An Entire Evening Alone.

After taking a bath or shower singly or together, give her good music, a warm, slightly scented oil body massage, good conversation, and whatever else she wants.

8. Write Her A Poem Or Love Letter.

If you can, compose a love poem, telling her how much she means to you and has meant to you. If you are less poetically inclined, write a love letter saying the same things. Allow yourself to be soft and generous in your praise of her. Use the kinds of words you know she likes and would remember from your first weeks and months together.

9. Ask Her To Plan A Weekend For The Two Of You.

Tell her you will go anywhere, do anything, and basically, cater to her and with her, for 48 hours. Hide the TV channel clicker, unless she loves television.

10. Remember That Actions And Gifts Are Nice And So Are *Spoken* Words.

Tell her daily, in terms of endearment she likes, how special she is to you, and how much you love her. Say it in the morning, by phone, by voice mail, while eating a meal, before bed, while helping her zip her dress in the morning before work. Any time's the right time for this one! Gifts are nice, and we all love to hear the words for additional reinforcement.

Dennis R. Tesdell